Mommy Thoughts

Tonight we visited with dear friends, Damon and Crystal Schroeder, who you may remember from our wedding...Damon read scripture and Crystal was a bridesmaid with dark, curly hair. Jillian played with their children, Abby, Stephen, Grace, and Silas. It was a visit long overdue, as we last saw the Schroeders before Silas could talk, and he turns 4 on Monday!

Damon grilled out and Crystal prepared salad, veggies (tomatoes and cucumbers, my favorite ;) and chips. They all enjoyed taking turns holding and playing with Elliott, to the point of our hosts holding Elliott while we ate, and they refused to have it any other way! It was so nice to have a (mostly) quiet meal for a change. Elliott really seems to seek the most attention at some of the most challenging times, like meal times. The Schroeders are so kind and patient and encouraging, and they have fun children. They aren't monsters, but they aren't perfect angels, either. :) They have a loving home and I always enjoy our visits there.

Crystal talked to us about a variety of things, including home schooling, home birthing, and cloth diapers, but never pressured us to any of the above, which was very nice. While we will use cloth diapers when my mom starts babysitting (her idea, she offered!), home schooling isn't in our future, and I doubt home birthing is either.

Lately, I've been thinking about going back to work, and what a struggle and big transition it will be. Of course I would love to stay home with Elliott and get Jillian on and off the bus every school day and make dinners and clean house every day, but in reality, we can't do it financially. Could we do it if we spent less? Maybe, but we do have some debt, the biggest being our mortgage and Brooks' law school student loans. Perhaps if we were debt-free *and* didn't need to save for car, emergencies, repairs, etc. we could do it. Or if Brooks worked for a firm and made twice as much, and was home 1/2 as much as he was before screening...sigh. I'd prefer to have him home, and he knows it, and he agrees.

So, in my recent efforts to prepare myself to rejoin the full-time working world, I thought I would ask a friend who had a baby (more recently) before me what their experience was like. I thought of Sarah, who was a middle school teacher, but declined tenure (for very good reasons) and opted to be a stay-at-home mom. Then I thought of Jess, who had been wanting to quit her job for years, and did so when she had Jack. I remembered Karen, who used to missions with an organization helping orphans in Ukraine and Russia, but her 4 year commitment ended just before Ann was born. And Kate was a vet tech until Megan was born...all of my closest friends (in proximity) became stay-at-home moms! None of them returned to work!!! I'm the only one who will be juggling my family (especially my sweet baby!) and my career! :(

I feel...alone-ish. Yes, Brooks is here. That's not the point. Yet another thing seems to separate me from some of my friends. I don't know...I guess I'm jealous? What do you think? It's getting late...time to let the pondering rest for the night.